Wednesday 13 April 2022

One of Oldham's top businessmen walks on fire

 I went to a Chamber of Commerce networking lunch last week with our local MEP, Arlene McCarthy. She spoke at length about her work with the Committee on Internal Market and Consumer Protection (of which she is chair) and her new role as vice chair of the powerful Economic and Monetary Affairs Select Committee. Despite being the wrong colour for me politically, she was erudite and eloquent and fielded most questions fully and honestly rather than the usual politician's dodge. The lasagne wasn't up to much though.

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A group of us were taken outside and shot. I was one of those featured. You can view the results in this article - Oldham Chronicle article - which appears to state that I'm one of Oldham's top business people!

Later on I went to Leigh to do a firewalk for MedEquip4Kids, a local charity providing Manchester hospitals with extra equipment to supplement what the NHS can't quite afford. I almost feel guilty asking for sponsorship as it was such an amazing experience, but ask for sponsorship I will! You can make a contribution here - sponsorship page - and if you want to see the proof that I did it, try my Facebook fan page. There's also a live action blurry photo sequence.

Web Designers

You need a website. You've realised that it's a job for professionals. Step one overcome. But now comes the difficult part: choosing your web designer. Far be it from me to try and influence your decision, but here are some essential qualities to look for in your web designer.

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First off, height is important. Your web designer should not be too tall or else they're likely to be too far away from the screen to be able to work effectively. Similarly they shouldn't be too small as they won't see over the desk. An ideal height for a web designer is about 5 feet 10 inches.

One of Oldham's top businessmen walks on fire


An often overlooked aspect of the design process is the designer's sporting allegiances. For instance, a Manchester United fan might be in such a cloud of smug superiority that (s)he expects the project to get to number one on Google every year and is slightly disappointed if for instance they only get to number one on Ask Jeeves and come second in Google. They probably just sit back and wait for it all to happen. A Torquay United fan on the other hand may be so resigned to failure that they daren't invest any energy in trying to produce a result. Bona fide empirical studies have conclusively shown that, due to their ideal combination of impassioned optimism and diligent pessimism, Manchester City fans make the best web designers.

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Have you ever considered an ideal weight for your prospective web designer? No? Then you could be in danger of making a critical error. A web designer who is too slim has obviously spent far too much time away from their desk. Conversely, an obese web designer may be in danger of collapsing before your project is complete. Your web designer should ideally have a BMI of around 28. This is indicative of a web designer who has spent many hours in front of a web browser learning their craft.

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Your web designer should have a pleasant sounding first name, something like Phil, which is Greek for "love" and a more austere surname of French origin, like Houghton, which indicates a level of seriousness not always present in his blog entries. Your designer should have around 6 years of programming experience working on a mission critical banking application with one of the big banks, for instance, HSBC. This would indicate they have a serious approach to coding in an efficient, thorough and robust manner. Finally they should own a company that has a name like Dreamberry as companies called Dreamberry have been proven by independently audited studies to be up to 5 times better than companies not called Dreamberry.

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